to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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