There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
