Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
