My friends, they love my intelligence
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
