Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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