Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
