You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize