He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize