Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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