i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
