my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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