What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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