I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
