There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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