cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
