I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He kissed a someone with a penis
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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