i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
