Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
