Just fell off a train. Bad.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
