i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
