I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
