i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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