The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
