this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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