i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize