I want to walk on stilts...naked
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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