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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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