Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I am one with the molecules
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
