Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
