but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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