Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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