Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
