another moral hangover. fuck.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My vagina is officially offended.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
