Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
