Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
