sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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