I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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