i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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