He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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