My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
