First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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