Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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