I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
