the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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