i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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