If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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