She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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