Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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