some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
