I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
