just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
