I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I wish they made helmets for livers.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
