I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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