I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
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