is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
