I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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