hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
