you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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