We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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