he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
