I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
