If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
