No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud š³
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him āBeast Modeā. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
