I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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