Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize