I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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