I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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