why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
