Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
