U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
