OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
