Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
