the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
