It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
