Ambien. No doubt about it.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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