the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
