He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize