She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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