my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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