loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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